Journey to Motherhood, the second time around – Pregnancy and baby birth in Germany

January 15, 2022 veggiepotnpan 6

Journey to Motherhood, the second time around – Pregnancy and baby birth in Germany! I am blessed to have experienced this beautiful journey, second time over. The unpleasant morning sickness in the first trimester was easily forgotten, when I held my little son in my arms! The excitement in the face of our daughter when we broke the news to her is priceless. The only time when additional pounds didn’t really stop me from grabbing some more goodies! The pains, the cramps, the emotional waves accompanying the hormonal changes were paralleled by the excitement, preparation and creating memories! Under this section, I try to bring in, the little details that I gathered, the things that I took care of, in my pregnancy journey, leading up to the birth of my baby. My friends have asked many a times to put these details up in my website here, as they have found them to be quite useful. Busy life, tight schedules, sleepless nights have left me no time to make this any faster, but like they say, better late than never!

I love documenting the little things that I learn, I do and I experience. I hope this little effort of mine, will benefit a few!

Journey to Motherhood, the second time around – Pregnancy and baby birth in Germany

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Checklist To-do – Preparation in the direction of baby birth in Germany:

Germany, being very process oriented, insists on a lot of paperwork and documentation. In that sense, the process of baby birthing is no different. Part of our baby birth preparation comprised of documentation process itself! As a habit, I list down the activities, or in other words, prepare my ‘to-do’ list on a regular basis and when I strike off one after the other, a sense of accomplishment and happiness is instilled. Below are the activities that featured in my to-do list:

During pregnancy

  • Step 1: Find / enroll at / visit a gynaecologist near your place.
    • Most of you would have already registered yourself with a Hausarzt (General Physician / Family doctor), Frauenarzt (Gynaecologist) and Kinderarzt (Child specialist – for your kids). If you have not, it is the first thing to do. If you are planning for a baby, or have already found yourself to be pregnant – get yourself registered with a Gynaecologist.
      • Note: Once the doctor is decided and you have done your first consultation in the first trimester, you cannot switch doctor in that quarter of the year. If you are unhappy with the doctor and wish to switch for whatsoever be the reason, the law of the land says, to wait until next quarter of the year
    • After first consultation, you shall get a Mutter Pass which would be an important document along with the Insurance Card in the subsequent visits
  • Step 2: Inform your office (your workplace, if you are under employment) about the pregnancy and plan your maternity leave.
    • The next important thing to do, if you are working / employed, is to inform your manager / HR about the pregnancy. They say – earlier you inform, the better it is. Nevertheless, usually as a practice, one waits until the completion of the first trimester to inform.
    • Get a Schwangerschaftsbescheinigung (Pregnancy Certificate) from the Gynaecologist to submit to the office for Mutterschutz (Maternity Protection). I did this towards the end of my first trimester. Plan a rough Elternzeit (Parental leave) and inform office. Germany offers a maximum of 3 years of parental leave that can be availed in multiple instalments until the baby turns 8 years of age.
    • The HR provides a document (for Elternzeit) to be signed and shared latest by 1 week after delivery
    • The entire concept of Elternzeit in Germany is very flexible and has several options, catering to the needs of people with different backgrounds and situations. To know more about it, check this out
    • You may also like to read about Mutterschutz here
  • Step 3: Look for a Hebamme / Mid wife
    • For me, this was a very important step. Why? As the Corona pandemic struck in our lives, we could not foresee as to what is coming up in the next few months. All our plans were revised to make a fresh one. Having family around during delivery and baby birth sounded more like a luxury and the need of the hour was to stay at home – wherever you are! Though we had kept the option open to request parents to visit us during the baby birth, we wanted to keep ourselves prepared, to manage everything on our own. Towards this direction, having a Hebamme definitely helps. However as it turns out, finding one is a very difficult task. The earlier you start looking for one, the better it is. This is what I did :
      • Website used : hebammensuche.de
      • Sent several emails and contacted over phone (shortlisted hebammes, found in the above website). Interactions preferably in German, to increase the chances of finding a good Hebamme
      • Hebamme support services are available for various services. I had opted for WochenBett service.
      • I did the search in the 4th month of my pregnancy. The earlier one starts the better it is.
      • Once you get confirmation, fix an appointment for first meet and sign the contract
      • You may even consult the ‘Hebammenpraxis’ nearby to find a Hebamme for yourself.
  • Step 4: Inform Insurance company about the pregnancy and planned Elternzeit
    • It is important to inform your insurance company about your pregnancy, as much as it is important to inform the employer
    • I informed it to my insurance provider, around the same time as I informed my employer. Husbands / partners too need to update the insurance provider with the status and planned paternal leave, if any.
  • Step 5: Right use of Technology – get the right apps
    • Pregnancy and baby care apps
      • There are lot of apps available, but I stuck on with the Babycenter app, which I had used during my first pregnancy and baby birth! It is simple and useful – for tracking the pregnancy weeks, monitor the contractions, what to expect and what not, baby growth and activity tracking on a monthly basis!
    • Shopping apps –
      • This was very important for me – to be able to shop, without going to the shop – due to the pandemic, I hardly could visit any shop for the purchases. Thankfully, most of the shops have online presence and I used the most of it!
    • Below are the shopping apps which I used :
      • Amazon
      • DM
      • Rossmann
      • Müller
      • Pampers (I installed when my due date was getting closer)
      • Hipp (Maternity leave is the time, when we get to plan and do some reading / research. I found Hipp to be a good brand and so, registered myself and installed the app)
      • Kaufland

These are the few shops where I shop frequently, and there are many more benefits to it. If you are already registered with them, do not forget to register your pregnancy too, to receive lot of surprises, gifts and good reads! During pregnancy, I got a lot of them for myself and for the baby.

  • Step 6: Set up home – Baby safe home
    • As this is our second child, we have gathered a few experiences – there is a difference between actual requirements and overdoing out of sheer excitement. This is just our understanding and opinion – babies certainly do not have preferences and choices. So, let the changes that we incorporate to our home or purchases that we make, be as per our priorities, choice and convenience. Babies do not need a fully decorated and stuffed room of their own. They do not need an own room full of toys, a wardrobe full of clothes and walls painted with colors. All that the baby needs is our time, love and care. One can still raise a happy baby, being a minimalist! Therefore, we focused more on securing our home, making more space by clearing the unwanted stuff and making room for the new necessities. Below are the few things we readied:
    • We changed the room lightings to a dimmer version of the ones which we had earlier
    • Wardrobes – purchased a new wardrobe for the kids room to hold clothes of both kids
    • Cleaning Robot – Due to Corona situation, we were preparing ourselves to take care of the baby birthing and post-delivery baby care, all by ourselves. Keeping this in mind, with no help, we had to delegate our tasks, and that one routine job which could easily be delegated, was cleaning home and making it dust free. We purchased a cleaning robot for this and we are happy about our purchase.
    • We listed down the baby related items to be shopped and started checking them off, as and when possible (List of baby items to purchase,Hospital bag ,Checklist before leaving to the hospital )
  • Step 7: Enroll for the Geburtsvorbereitungskurs, Schwangere Yoga Kurs, Rückbildungskurs –
    • This is one of the important things to do during pregnancy and I am glad I could enroll myself to these as I thoroughly enjoyed these sessions and learnt quite a lot, while making new friends who were sailing in the same boat. Course enrolment needs to be done very early as it difficult to find a place otherwise in a nearby Hebammenpraxis.
    • I started the search in my 5th month of pregnancy. The earlier the better it is.
    • Major part of the courses is covered by the insurance.
    • Geburtsvorbereitungskurs – is the birth preparation course. I personally liked this course. As part of this course, I learnt quite a few techniques that came in handy during the delivery process. We were educated on various risk situations and how one can handle these, on relaxing exercises, the provisions in German hospitals, and so on. Thanks to the course, I could successfully handle my almost 42 weeklong pregnancy towards a normal vaginal birthing!
    • Schwangere Yoga Kurs – As the name suggests, it is the Yoga course for pregnant ladies. Before doing any kind of sport and exercises, do consult your Gynaecologist. I thoroughly enjoyed this course and eagerly awaited it every week. I had severe back pain issues throughout my pregnancy, and Yoga helped me deal with it.
    • Rückbildungskurs – This is a course that is needed post-delivery, but one needs to enroll for it during pregnancy itself, to ensure that you get a place in the desired Hebammenpraxis, at the desired time. Most of such courses are `with Baby`, so it would be a great bonding time for mothers and babies! It helped me a lot to reduce the back pain, which I had all through the pregnancy and post-delivery too. Though the pain reduced much slowly than I expected
    • Most of these courses are in German. Therefore, knowing the language makes it important to benefit the most out of the classes.
  • Step 8: Dental health is very important during pregnancy : Make an appointment with a dentist and get a general check-up done
    • Best time for this is the second trimester!
    • I did it in my 6th month!
  • Step 9: If using public transport, send an email to inform them
    • For Stuttgart, region of Baden Württemberg, just shoot out an email to  : abo-vvs@bahn.de
    • Mentioning the reason and duration, when you would not want to use the pass / discontinue the pass – If the maternity leave is for less than 6 months, the pass would simply be blocked for the said duration and then resume. If it is more than 6 months, the card shall be cancelled with an additional fee. However, if you can share the pregnancy proof / certificate from doctor or employer, the fine is exempted.
  • Step 10: Visit hospitals and register
    • In the second trimester, it is good to start visiting hospitals, to decide on the one, for the big day!
      • Check for InfoAbend appointments, hospital tours, various courses etc. which the hospitals have to offer, which might help you in the hospital selection
      • We started though, a little late (7th month), as everything was closed due to Corona lockdown. Most of the InfoAbends were moved online and Hospital tours cancelled.
  • Step 11: Apply for Kita / Krippe in the Rathaus
    • If you are working and if your region allows you to, do apply for the day care / Kita Krippe for the baby, as early as possible in the pregnancy.
    • Though I had enquired in the nearby Kitas, the ones that I had contacted insisted on doing the same, once the baby is born. This, despite hearing from quite a lot of parents that this needs to be done during the pregnancy itself
    • So, I did this only after the baby birth
  • Step 12: 7 weeks before delivery – Apply for Maternity Benefit
    • Contact your Insurance company and check for the procedures to apply for maternity benefits
    • This is what I did – Obtain a certificate from the Gynaecologist with the expected due date. This will serve as the application (needs to be duly filled and signed) for the Maternity Pay. Once filled, it should be sent in originals to the Insurance Company by post. Based on this, they will work out with the employer for the maternity benefits.
  • Step 13: Keep the hospital bags ready (Checklist for Hospital Bag)
    • 8th month would be the best, for one to keep the hospital bag ready! Of course, earlier the better!
  • Step 14: Prepare the diet plan, post-delivery , if any!
    • In the 8th month, once on my maternity leave, I kept my postpartum diet plan ready.
  • Step 15: Prepare list of baby related items to purchase and keep them ready (Checklist For Baby related items)
    • 8th month yet again, once on my maternity leave, I readied the list, purchased a few and started keeping everything ready for the baby’s arrival
  • Step 16: Keep the kitchen stuff ready for post-delivery preparations (Checklist for Kitchen Items before delivery )
    • 8th month, happened to be the most ‘happening’ month for me. Once my maternity leave started, all the items in my to-do list, started being checked! Feel good factor you see!
  • Step 17: Make a list of emergency contact numbers
    • This is a very important step. Of course, all the important contacts are saved on our phones, it is equally important to have a list of these separately. You never know, when a need arises!
  • Step 18: Elterngeld form filling partially
    • The best time to start with this, is the maternity leave!

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After birth

  • Check on for the breast milk pump –
    • Covered by insurance (check with the Hebamme or Kinderarzt)
    • If you have trouble feeding the baby – due to some wounds or latching issues or whatever be the reason, make sure to get a prescription from the doctor in the hospital, before you get discharged, for the electric breast pump.
    • With this, you can rent an electric breast pump from the Apotheke for atleast a month and this is completely covered by the insurance
    • While procuring the breast pump on rent, you may have to pay an amount for security (100 Euros or so), which will be refunded to you in full at the time of returning back the machine. We were charged 2.50 Euro as handling charges.
    • Don’t worry, the pump, as in, the motor part is a common one. Apart from that, each user gets a separate set of accessories, which cannot be reused / returned! So, it is very much safe to rent it out.
  • Submit the application form to your office (Within 7 days of birth)(Basically, inform your employer about the birth of the baby, with which they could proceed with your Elternzeit application)
  • Birth Certificate Registration (Within 7 days of birth) :
    • To be registered in the Standesamt in the town where the child is born
      • Note – In few instances, parents were sought German translated birth certificates. However, we just got our Indian birth certificates translated to English. We had got it done by a certified translator in India itself. Therefore, when asked for, we produced the same. In our case, the English ones worked without any hassle.
    • International Birth certificate is also an option
    • Process – Once the birth certificate is in place, the registry office shall automatically send the details to the local Bürgeramt and Tax ID is generated.
    • Multiple copies (3) of birth certificates are issued, which are to be produced later for the Insurance Company, Finanzamt, Maternity Benefit and Elterngeld
      • Note: As this was a paid service in the hospital, we availed the same, due to lack of time. We had to simply fill an application form, provide the certificates provided by the hospital to be produced for the birth certificate, our (parents) birth certificates in original and the translated copies of the same, the total amount for the birth certificates and the processing fee. We took 3 birth certificates (1 German and 2 English, apart from the 3 birth certificates which were issued for various purposes), each costing 12 Euros. All in all, we paid 50 Euros for the same, including the processing and handling fees.
    • Once applied, takes about 3 to 4 weeks to receive the birth certificate
  • Inform Insurance Company about the birth of the child as soon as possible and once the birth certificate is arrived, send the version of birth certificate, meant for the Insurance company, in original, by post
  • Apply for Kindergeld:
    • To be applied to the local Familienkasse
    • Documents required – Birth Certificate and Tax ID – As soon as the birth certificate, the version meant for the kindergeld, needs to be sent, in original to the Familienkasse
    • Check on other tax saving processes here
  • Apply for Elterngeld :
    • Continue filling out the form, which was partially completed, before the baby birth – Now, with the actual dates
    • Can be applied online
    • For Queries related to Elterngeld , check this
    • Documents needed : Birth certificate, ID proof, Employment proof (Employment contract or last 3 months statement of bank account), details of maternity benefit
    • Once submitted takes 4 weeks to process
  • Birth registration at the Embassy :
  • Apply for kids passport in the Consulate
    • For the Stuttgart region, we applied it with the Munich Consulate
    • Due to the ongoing Corona situation, in person appointments are not given. So, the application form with baby’s thumb impression, along with the photo, and necessary documents as attachments, are all sent together in the post
    • Requires 4-6 weeks to obtain processed Passport (under the Corona circumstances)
    • Amount : 62 Euro
  • Apply for Visa
    • Once the passport is obtained, one needs to take an appointment with the Ausländerbehörde to submit all the documents to obtain the Visa
    • Once done, it takes about 6-8 weeks to obtain the processed document (under the Corona circumstances)
    • Amount : 50 Euros

 
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Appendix

Checklist for Kitchen Items – Before delivery

(This was mine, considering that it is just us to take care of everything, without anyone for help, and considering the Corona circumstances):

  • Label all the essential bottles / boxes – The important ones at least!
  • Prepare the pre mixes – Example – Dose / Idli Premix! Helps a lot to plan your busy days ahead!
  • Spices boxes – Check, refill and label
  • Lentils and grains – Check, refill and label
  • Rasam, Sambar powders – Prepare / refill and label
  • List of easy, but healthy recipes – Comes in handy for the spouse, while he takes over the kitchen, post delivery
  • Prepare Kashaya Powder (Very important for the winter months of Covid times!)
  • Prepare Herbal Oil (Which I also used for the baby bath)

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Baby Items to purchase / readied before delivery / baby arrives at home:

  • Baby car seat, pram
  • Bath tub for baby and bath thermometer
  • Baby crib / Stubenwagen (Cradle) with bed and bumpers
  • Baby blanket, Sleeping bags (I would highly recommend this over blanket for small babies)
  • Body suits (10) (Size 56-74) (For very small babies, size 50 can be the starting size)
  • Bath towels (I used very thin and soft cotton cloth. You may purchase soft towels )
  • Diapers, diaper rash cream and wipes (I would recommend Pampers / Babylove for diapers and wipes, Weleda / Bübchen for diaper rash cream)
  • Baby cream, baby oil, bath gel (I initially used Besan flour with milk cream)
  • Formula Milk powder (For emergency) with feeding bottle
  • Bottle cleaners
  • Dustbin for diapers
  • Diaper bag organizer (to be in the diaper changing table)
  • Socks, mittens, caps, botties (Woollen botties help a lot in keeping feet warm in the cold winters) (About 5-6)
  • Warm sweaters (2 to 3)
  • Full jacket (1)
  • Swaddlers, wraps ( About 2)
  • Wickel Auflage / Diaper changing mat (1)
  • Quick dry mat
  • Thin cotton shirts (To be used as the first layer) (6 numbers)
  • Pants – 4
  • Shirts – 8
  • Rattlers, soft dolls, soft toys
  • Bibs, wash cloths, towels (6)
  • Baby grooming kit with nailcutter, a small hair brush, a small brush, thermometer

Note :

  • You may consider purchasing a Wickelkommode / Diaper changing table. Though, after a lot of thought, we decided not to! For want of space, we converted one of our existing table to diaper changing table. It worked!
  • All the items in the list are the ones which I had prepared myself, in line with the area that I presently reside in

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Checklist – Before leaving for the hospital :

  • Kreißaal numbers of the hospitals selected (keep the phone numbers of at least 2 to 3 hospitals as a backup). In case, the Kreißaal of the intended hospital is full, one needs to contact the other hospital
  • Alternatively, one may consider calling the Emergency (112) and without of the trouble of checking with the hospital, can get into the nearest available hospital. This is of course, a paid service
  • In the hospital bag don’t miss to keep the below important items
    • Mutterpass, Insurance card, ID card
  • Keep the baby name and the surname ready!
  • Keep an email template, to be sent to the office and insurance company – ready
  • Message family
  • If there is an older sibling –
    • Call / mail the school to inform
    • Due to Covid reasons, small kids are not allowed inside the hospital. So, make necessary arrangements for the stay of the older kids – such as where to stay, how to drop, a small bag with his / her essentials (water bottle, a pair of dress, toothbrush, soap, etc.)
  • House keys!
  • Switch of the kitchen stove, lights and heaters
  • Family prayer

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Hospital Bag:

  • Documents:
    • MutterPass
    • Insurance Card
    • ID Card
    • Marriage certificate (for the baby’s birth certificate)
    • Parents Birth certificate (For the baby’s birth certificate)
  • During Delivery:
    • A pair of comfortable dresses
    • Towels
    • Comfortable shoes / slippers
    • Warm clothing (for winters)
    • Innerwear
    • Snacks, juice, nuts or other food
    • Phone, camera, chargers
    • Wallet with cash / card
    • Toiletries
    • Glasses, contact lens, solution, storage boxes
    • A small notebook and pen
  • For Postpartum Mother:
    • Nursing bra and nursing dress
  • For baby, on the discharge day (someone can bring this, on the day of discharge):
    • Clothes like Body suit / onesie, socks, mittens, cap (weather appropriate clothing)
    • Diapers, wipes
    • Baby car carrier, blanket
    • Winter suit / jacket

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My Pregnancy journey – Rubaru with labor! Almost 42 weeks pregnancy – Normal vaginal birthing after C-section

 

As I write this, all that comes in front of my eyes are the last extra days, post due date! Those were days filled with anxiety, pain and of course, excitement! I accepted the extra 13 days of wait, as the extra days, to pamper myself, enjoy the extended pregnancy, fulfil all the wishes! My husband and daughter did their best to support me through the journey. I treated myself with a wide variety of dishes, that I wished to eat – Self treat! My husband and daughter tried their hands on cooking few of my favorites too. Well, thanks to the Corona times and the lockdown, none from my family back in India could join us, nor could we travel. We looked at the other side of it, just to stay calm and positive, that this is a learning experience for us. Needless to say, our family back in India, never left any stone unturned. At various stages they showered us with their love, gave timely advices and suggestions. But we did dearly miss their physical presence next to us.

People around us, especially a few extended family members felt that we were having a cakewalk and my pregnancy and delivery was a hassle free and problem free one! Well, we cannot be answering everyone and clearing his or her thoughts! We just ignored everything and went ahead!

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We experienced a lot, both positively and negatively, in these weeks.

Staying Calm and Positive

It certainly was not an easy journey! Amidst all the odds like Corona regulations to visit doctors and hospitals, restrictions on movement, full time job, home-schooling of an older kid, morning sickness and the list goes on! The initial months were quite stressful. We had to sit back and tell ourselves that this is how it is going to be at least for the next few months and we need to pull up our socks to manage everything ourselves, without any support from home, in India (as there were travel restrictions). Moreover, this could be done only with a positive approach! We started taking each day – one day at a time and pat ourselves on our back and thank God for each well-managed passing day!

I registered myself to various Yoga sessions which just helped me even more to stay calm and positive (my husband, might not completely agree with me, if I say, that I could stay calm!)

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Shift Focus

As a next step, I started documenting my journey, creating memories and celebrating each day! This way, the pain – mental and physical took a back seat, as I hardly had time for those, amidst the busy days!

I started to create documents for various purposes, like, pregnancy care, birth preparation, postpartum care, baby care, the paper work to be done before and post baby birth and the likes! This gave us an insight on what is ahead of us and helped us prepare in advance

We cherished the family time that we got, thanks to Corona (more home time!). We started with our long pending item in our wishlist – Read ‘Mahabharata’ and ‘Ramayana’ for our daughter! Well, along with reading, we even watched various episodes of Mahabharata, which was telecasted in the Indian National TV channel long ago. Simple, yet crisp. Before the baby birth, our daughter got the basic idea and the stories of Mahabharata and she was in a position to identify her favourite characters too!

Cooking became a family activity as both my husband and daughter wanted to help me with all the assisting work! And sometimes, I did enjoy the – no cooking days – as they both had completely taken over the department from me. I would relax in the recliner listening to some music (Classical Indian music mostly) or reading books or my time with my website!

Picking up biggest canvas that I had at home, I set out with my interest – painting! I painted a big Madhubani work during my pregnancy, which I have proudly put up in the living room. It greatly helped me beat the sleep issues which I had during pregnancy.

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Hope for the best, be ready for the worst

Yes! From the beginning of the pregnancy, the uncertainty prevailed around us and in our thoughts. But still, we always hoped that things will improve and we would be able to bring our family here, to be with us and guide and help us through the baby birthing and baby care phase. We were constantly checking on the situation back in India and in Germany, the travel regulations etc. Having said that, we also felt that, if the situation is not good, it would be risky for parents, to travel all the way. We felt, it would only be selfish of us, to take such a decision of putting parents at risk, just to make our lives easier here. Just our thought and opinion. Therefore, we decided that unless the situation improves or vaccines arrive, we would not put our parents at risk. In such a situation, we should be in a position to handle everything on our own.

Therefore, along with hope of betterment, we had our preparations for the worst (handling everything on our own) in place, in parallel. Trust me, it was a big deal for us – managing things on our own. During my first delivery, we had our entire family around us. We hardly broke our head on baby care, postpartum care etc! Parents took care of everything, leaving me with zero knowledge and alas, I had to start from scratch this time!

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Mirror the reality – Ignorance is bliss!

As they say, the challenging days will show the true colors of people around you. Happy days, of course will attract lot of people and friends. But, how many of them are really true? You will know it, only when you are in need or you are passing through challenging times. We faced couple of heart breaking betrayals from friends, who until then, were very close and like family to us, few of whom, had us besides them when they were passing through difficult times. Like they say, you see a person’s true colors when you no longer are beneficial to them! Such betrayals made us realize quite a few things, for good! We saw few of our family members, who happened to be very close to us until then, totally distancing and avoiding us.  Not sure, what were they afraid of

Well, it shook us a lot, but we decided to let go of it and stand with each other and for each other. We thanked God for showing us the reality. The few friends who stood with us all the time, are whom we value and respect, to this date, and in the future! Along with that, God sent us few Angels, who came in to our lives from nowhere and they helped us pass through the phase without much of a hassle. Our constants, our parents and siblings, though lived far away from us, were emotionally always with us and helped us a lot! Ignorance is indeed a bliss! The more we ignore negativity around us, the happier we are!

During the initial lockdown phase, we totally avoided the cities and crowd. Stuck on to the small village like surroundings that we have, helped our daughter acquire new skills, while she missed playing with her friends. We avoided meeting people physically, and stayed connected with those, who were concerned for us and those who mattered to us the most.

Once the lockdown relaxed a bit, we moved out of the city during the weekends, to a forest or nature, away from crowd and people. It really helped us rejuvenate and charge up for the week to come.

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Happy tummy happy mommy!

One of the very first questions with my gynaecologist was – Do I need to take any supplement? Is there any food restriction that I need to follow? The only answer I got was – Eat whatever you like, but nutritious! No other supplements needed, except the multivitamin tablet ‘Elvit’. I had explicitly mentioned that I am a vegetarian – No flesh, no fish and no egg. She was quick to interrupt – ‘But not a vegan, right? My answer still holds good! Eat healthy! The nutritional absorption from food is much more than the supplements’

Being vegetarians, what we always ensured is that we have a wide variety of fruits and veggies for the week, in our menu. During pregnancy, my husband ensured that our daily fruit bowl is as colorful as possible. Dry fruits and nuts usually accompany fresh fruits in the bowl.

Neither did I follow any food restrictions in the initial months, nor did I overate anything in the name of nutrition. What I strongly believe is, anything consumed in moderation, is healthy and beneficial to health.

As a matter of general practice (always, not just during pregnancy)We ensure that we have at least 2to 3 types of grains per day with vegetables, in various forms.  In the weekly menu, we ensure Lentils based curries, Milk product based curries, sprouts, green leafy curries, root veggies at least once or twice a week. Once again, we try as many varieties/types of vegetables in our weekly menu.  Among the grains, we have oats, rice, millets, quinoa, wheat, spread out over the week for different days and times.

Took this as a tip from my Hebamme and few other expecting moms. In Germany, it is believed that ‘Himbeerblätter Tee’ / Raspberry leaves tea, helps in relieving cramps and stimulating labor, in the last weeks of pregnancy. One of my friends gifted a small box of this to me. Later, found the same in the nearest Apotheke/Medical store and it indeed helped me.

While on the go, when hungry, I found this müsli bar from the local drogerie store DM :

Profutura Mama müsli Riegel

This way, we try our level best to maintain the best of nutrition, in our food.

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Mommy on the go!

Due to the Corona situation, stepping outside freely was quite a task, with so much of anxiety surrounding us, plus the restrictions. But with all the measures and being within the restrictions, we used to step out for at least a small walk in the fresh air. Thankfully, the area that we lived is surrounded by forests and open fields. After a day’s work, homeschooling and other household chores, we used to ensure that we step out at least for a small walk in the nature. While we went on long walks, our daughter used to skate / cycle to give us company. When the lockdown and restrictions were relaxed, we used to go on a drive for the nearby nature escapes and hikes. We explored quite a few ‘Waldspielplatz’ in the process, where our daughter enjoyed playing amidst the nature. I had my Yoga classes and the GeburtsvorbereitungsKurs which kept me busy during the week after work. In summers, we made the best use of sun and staying at home by preparing batches of fryums! Me and my daughter tried our hands in learning Origami, Pumpkin carving, painting and reading German books. We baked something new, every week. We did Yoga together, as a family. Pregnancy and Corona were difficult, but we ensured that we made the best use of each day, by staying active.

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Maternity Leave – 34 Weeks of Pregnancy

My colleagues, my manager were very supportive and understanding. This put me at ease, working in pregnancy for 34 weeks. They were very considerate and ensured that I was not over working or stressed. My manager also poured in a lot of his valuable suggestions, information, which came a long way.

It was a difficult decision to make – going on long maternity leave as this would mean that by the time I join back, lot of things would have changed back in office. Therefore, I decided to work until the last allowed day – until 34 weeks of pregnancy, without taking any planned leaves. This also helped me keep myself busy and occupied.

Come 34 weeks, started my Maternity leave. With it, also started the fast forward preparation! Our first born, our daughter, had arrived in 37 weeks! Therefore, I was literally preparing keeping that in mind! 37 weeks arrived in no time! When my doctor said – You are going to have a full term baby, I got a breather!

The first thing, as we reached the 34 weeks mark, we did was – fix an appointment with the ‘Hebammenpraxis’ which worked alongside with the hospital that we wished to deliver our baby in. This was to consult on the concern – a possible Normal vaginal delivery post C-Section. As my first delivery was through C-section, this was an important appointment for me, to mentally prepare. Though I knew that there was no risk as such, with a 7 years’ gap, but wanted to hear from the midwives and the doctor who were going to be around me during delivery. They indeed gave a green signal, but also handed over a set of papers that lists the risks involved! As the risk factor was only a small percentage, we decided to proceed with the natural birthing process. Having said that, we were open for C-section too, in case the time calls for it.

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40 weeks and Still going!

The so called ‘Due date’’ finally arrived, for which we had been looking forward all the while. Except for minor contractions, there were no other signs though! The day just went by, leaving our daughter a little disappointed. Each extra day, post due date, we tried to cook delicacies, which we had wished for, but had missed to cook or relish until then. We tried to complete our checklist and so on! Everyone around were waiting! There were times, when we used to call our family, but tell them to begin with, that all was well, that it was a casual call and so on!

Day 5 post due date – The visit to Gynaecologist turned a little stressful for a brief period. The assistants failed to capture the CTG well, thus raising an alarm and putting me (I was alone in the clinic like always, due to the Corona situation) in stress for a few minutes. Later, the doctor did a complete checkup before she said – All is well! She later gave an ‘Einleitung’ letter to the hospital, which means, going further, it was up to us and the hospital to decide, whether to wait or go ahead with the delivery. We visited the hospital immediately, where they monitored and said – All is well, let us see every alternate days, until 14th day post due date!

Day 8 post due date – By now, I had received quite a few calls and messages, checking on my health and status. I had quite a few with suggestions and tips. But what put me off, again were the negative messages – Like – ‘Difficult time for you, Our prayers are with you and your family’, ‘Oh! Not yet delivered? Baby would be under stress, why don’t you opt for C-section’, etc., especially coming from people, who hardly bothered to check on me until then! After reading these, I looked at my husband and asked – Was it intended for us? Did anything happen? Is delivery post due date, such a bad thing?

Well, I would be lying if I say, I could easily ignore these, but yes, we tried ignoring such messages and calls and stepped out for long walks, and continued with our little preparations!

As the wait period increased, the items which I had prepared for use post delivery started getting exhausted! Especially ‘Ghee’!!! So, we prepared and refilled these items!

Well, believe me – due date as such is referred to as – Estimated Due date. Which clearly says, it is a rough estimation! Moreover, the average full term delivery happens in 41 weeks, and not 40.

I had spotting, due to which I was admitted in hospital for blood test, for a day and later discharged once the blood report arrived and no infection was detected.

As the days passed, my contractions were getting stronger and the duration – longer! Yet, was not consistent! So, the wait continued. Our families back in India, continued sending goodies, filled with all the items that I wished for!

Thanks to Corona, yet again, every alternate day, we ended up spending half a day at the hospital. Even for the routine CTG, we had to go through the entire process of filling up the Corona declaration form, waiting for our turn , the CTG itself and a brief up with the doctor.

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Almost 42 week pregnancy followed by a normal delivery

My husband and daughter ensured that the wait is not stressful for me. However, our daughter was getting very restless. Once, she came to me crying and asked – All my friends are asking, where is the baby and why has the baby not yet arrived? Her questions though were quite innocent, but the underlying concerns were real. We had prepared with all permutations and combinations and so was our daughter. She was ready with her little bag, with her dresses, toys, books and toiletries, enough for a day’s stay!

12th day post due date – first stage of labor – the contractions which had already started on 11th night, was slowly getting stronger and consistent. On the 12th day, I was kind of getting a hint that – this is it! Contractions were getting even more stronger, but the frequency was little longer than 10 minutes. This was not enough for us to make the call and head to the Kreißaal!

12th day evening, the contractions were getting even stronger and the frequency reduced to 5 minutes. Around 8 P.M, the contractual waves were every 4 minutes. So I decided to call up the Kreißaal. I had readied list of Kreißaal numbers and emergency contacts (which I had later shared with my friends sailing in the same boat and they said it was of much help for them too). Thankfully, we got a positive response from the very first hospital, the one that we were visiting all those days, that we could arrive immediately.

While my husband and daughter left for our friends place (who for the next 1 day took care of her, while we were in the hospital), I quickly prepared some dinner for us, before we headed out to the hospital. Around 9.30 P.M., we were at the hospital and after the initial formalities, we headed to the Maternity ward. We were taken to the Birth Preparation room. The initial tests, CTG and initial checkup were conducted. By now, the contractions were as frequent as 2 minutes. But the dilation (about 4-5 cms) was not yet enough for the big push! The midwife asked us to wait for 2 hours. Meanwhile, we asked her if we could walk around in this time for which she said – If you can, Yes! Thankfully, it was night and the entire hospital seemed to be ours. We walked around the corridors of each floor, took the staircases of the hospital, umpteen number of times. It was indeed not easy. I was literally in tears and in pain, but I ensured that I breathed well, with every contraction, which helped me handle the pain better. Of course, my husband, who walked with me, up and down the stairs, kept me motivated. After two hours of walk, we were back in the our room around 1 A.M.

13th day – the big day – Around 2 A.M., the mid wife and the doctor arrived. A CTG was performed and a small checkup conducted again. The mid wife was visibly pleased and said – Wonderful, looks like your hard work helped. The dilation now stood at 7-8 cms, good enough for the big push. While the Kreißaal was occupied, she asked us to continue waiting in the room. Meanwhile, the pain was so much, I opted for a warm tub bath during the wait, thinking that it might help fight the pain.

13th day 4 A.M. – Active Labor – we moved to the Kreißaal. The contractions were now continuous, say, coming in a fraction of the minute. Stronger and longer. No pain killers, no epidural (it certainly isn’t a joke). I was wide awake, feeling the pain right from the spine, lower back, rectum and I could feel the lightening and the baby drop

13th day 6 A.M. – Water broke – I could suddenly feel the water break. And now, the contractions became even more painful. It was just me and my husband in the Kreißaal. The mid wife and her assistants were doing rounds though. The mid wife was senior and quite skilled. She kept me motivated and ensured that all is well.

13th day 6.30 A.M. – Second stage of labor – Urge to Push – Now, along with the contractions, I had the feeling that the baby will come out any time. I asked my husband to notify the mid wife and doctor. They immediately rushed to the Kreißaal. And Bingo! I was right. And now was the moment! I took deep breath. Trust me, the breathing exercises that I was practicing all the while, help me a lot in the last couple of hours in fighting back the pain. With all my might, I pushed! But it was not strong enough for the baby to come out. A part of the baby’s head was visible. The mid wife, asked me to focus all my energy on the push, than on the pain, and to shift the energy wasted in screaming to pushing! I took a deep breathe, and with the next push, baby was out! At 7 A.M., came out the baby! That was one happy moment, amidst all the pain. The long wait was over and I could hold my little boy in my arms 😊

Third stage of labor – while I was happy that all went well and felt proud about myself for having accomplished this feat, the midwife said – It’s not over yet! One more push was still needed! I was all drained, tired and deeply immersed in pain and when I heard it, I had to literally gather the energy back to push out the placenta. Done! Phew! There was quite a lot of tear, which had to be stitched with 3 local anesthesia. The very sight of our baby in my arms made me forget all the pain, the long wait, for once. I wished our little daughter too could be alongside for the first moments with the baby, for which she had waited all this while. Thanks to the internet and video calling age, though the Corona restrictions would not let her be with us at the hospital, we could still show her new born brother.

I held the little baby close to me, for long. We were given the morning breakfast. While I had my breakfast, my husband held the little one. The experiences that we had, that moment, cannot be expressed in words here. The first moments. After two hours of birth, I was asked to slowly walk to the rest room to pass the urine. It was quite painful, but I did walk to the rest room, only to faint and to be brought back to the room. We repeated this a little later again though. Later, I was shifted to the ward. We had initially thought of taking a family room, but later opted out of it, as kids were not allowed inside hospital and we decided that my husband stays with daughter back home while we were at the hospital. I shared the room with two other mothers who had delivered the babies then.

I spent 2 nights at the hospital. If I look back now, I feel we have come a long way, but back then, I was totally in pain and lost, as to where to start from. It certainly has been one roller coaster ride from that day, until now, packed with lot of memories, which we will cherish for life.

The stitch pain, stayed for a long time, but I had to park it aside as I had to get going, quite early, to help my husband manage everything at home, post delivery. In parallel, I had pains with broken nipples to add on to the already existing pain from the stitching. I used the Hebamme / Mid wife prescribed Arnika gel for the stitches and Lansinoh Brustwarsensalbe for the nipple breaks.  Both did wonders for me.

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Normal vaginal birth or C-section ?

Well, having gone through both of these, I now think that I am in a good position to talk about this. Trust me, no pain is less. Just because one didn’t / couldn’t have a normal birth, doesn’t make her any less mother. She still went under a knife, took the prick on the spine and happily accepted the scar and pain for life! The post delivery pain was inevitable, in both C-section as well as the normal vaginal birth. The only difference I saw was the labor pain. With my first, my daughter came out, even before I experienced the labor pain, through Emergency C-section. Then, there were gossiping ladies around, readily passing the comments – oh, sad, she couldn’t deliver the baby naturally! Perhaps she did not take care of herself and the baby much and was going to office until delivery! And what not.

This would be the last thing any new mother would love to hear.

C-section or normal vaginal delivery, these are just the way the babies opt to come out to the world! Having said that, at any given time, pain or no pain, normal vaginal delivery is the best thing to happen for mother as well as the baby, as long as both mother and baby are healthy and safe.

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Tips!

Pregnancy plus a full time job plus an older kid at home? If you check all boxes here, the below section would perhaps be helpful!

Pandemic or no pandemic, below are the few keys or tricks or tips, which I could recollect, that we followed or did, which may also help you, in managing home, a full time job, a school going kid, and pregnancy :

  • Make routine tasks as family activities:  This way, even during the busy days, you get to give time for each other(also helps in finishing the task sooner). Example – For dinner time, we prepare Chapathis! I prepare the dough! Our daughter helps with the balls and rolling, and my husband bakes them! This way, we finish the task sooner, get some family time together and kids feel included too!
  • Use a weekly planner: We use a family calendar and a weekly planner. Weekly planner holds not just the appointments, but activities, the breakfast, lunch and dinner menus for the entire week. We sit together and prepare this planner on Sundays! This way, we get an overview for the week. Of course, not all days go as planned.  Having said that a plan in place saves us a great deal. The best thing is, with the menu decided, anyone who gets some time, takes over the kitchen!
  • Use online apps for purchases (especially during pandemic, avoid stepping out unnecessarily)
  • Buy seasonal fruits and veggies: Always the best – for health and pockets!
  • Have a family outing  atleast once a week ( If the pandemic like situation does let you step out, even if it is your balcony or terrace, do use it to make this happen) , to recharge yourself for the week. Anything bigger would simply be marvelous!
  • Get some ‘Me’ time for atleast 10 minutes in a day: This time can be used for anything from simple meditation or some self appreciation/ self pampering or offering prayers or simply sitting back and giving a thought about your day… whatever brings peace!
  • Optimal and right use of tools and gadgets to help us with our daily chores!
  • Involve kids in doing the household chores:  Like folding clothes, putting back the plates in the racks from the dishwasher, etc.; Saves on time, work gets done, kids learn valuable lessons of life, besides ensuring more time for yourself for other activities
  • Get a hobby for yourself and encourage kids to pursue hobbies: Very much needed. It is not at all a bad idea to sit with kids and do the same activity as they do.
  • Pantry check and refill the spice boxes: Once a week! This ensures that your weekdays’ cooking goes smoothly
  • Sundays – Prep days! : Prepare Dosa/ Idli batter, cut veggies and refrigerate, prepare menu,  prepare ‘ready to use spice mix’! Family loves Dosa / Idli. So once in a week, I prepare the batter and refrigerate. It would take care of the breakfast for atleast 3 working days. The other 2 days, we have bread sandwich or müsli or red boiled rice ganji / porridge! For lunch and dinner, we alternate between rice and chapathi. At times, of course, a non-Indian dish creeps into our menu too!

With the above, though our days were and are packed, but still, we could ensure that we give each other enough time as family, eat home cooked fresh and healthy food, and have time for some walk / exercise!. There is absolutely no harm in having a few off days wherein, you go easy on cooking and cleaning, and spend more time on relaxing! Its all about setting up a discipline, which later would becomes our routine!

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6 Comments

  2. Very informative article, all details are very well explained.
    I really appreciate the effort behind writing this article Swathi , it will definitely ease many upcoming mother’s worries and helps to prepare well and enjoy the journey .

    Reply

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